Overcoming a bad day

Saturday was a bad day for me; I spent most of it being angry, angry with God and angry at life. I knew that my feelings were wrong; I knew that my emotions were harmful to me but even though I knew this I didn’t care.  I wanted to wallow in my feelings, I felt that my emotions were justified and even though I could hear the Lord speaking to me concerning them I chose to ignore him and harden my heart towards Him instead.  I was moody and snappy and watching my husband’s joy irritated me and observing his dancing to the Lord annoyed me and I felt that the words of the song he was listening to were hypocritical after all, how could anyone be “bouncing in the Lord every day?!?”

I knew that if I was to stop and listen to the Lord and open myself up even just a little, He could turn my sorrow into gladness.  But I felt that to do this would be a lie, and that any gladness I felt would only be mirage, camouflaging the monotonous and desperate reality that was my life.  I didn’t want that, I wanted God to make everything better not to placate me and say “there, there now, everything will be okay.”  I was fed up with everything.

Shabbat ended, I hadn’t shared communion with my husband and I went upstairs to have it alone.  Placing my scarf over my head, I began to speak to Lord simply and in a very few words telling Him that I found it hard to speak to Him at the moment and that I felt numb towards Him and angry about the state of my life.  Very shortly afterwards He gave me a song to sing called Eleicha Yeshua by Karen Davies, I began to meditate on the words to this song as I didn’t know the words (the majority being in Hebrew).  I played the song on my MP3 and listened and sang along instead (see link below to hear song).  I must have listened and sang along to 3 or 4 songs in total, each one praising and glorifying God and during this process I felt God’s joy enter into my heart bit by bit until I was so full of His joy and happiness that my negative emotions, the accompanying thoughts and the conviction that my feelings were justified became a thing of the past.

Even though I didn’t want to feel happy, God had found a way to bring peace and joy once more regardless and I felt ready in myself to partake in communion.  As I write about it now, it reminds of a prayer that a friend of ours used to say which I sometimes say also, “Lord, never let me go, always bring me back to you even if I don’t want to come back to you.”  And when I think about this prayer, I know that I have chosen to bind myself to the Lord come what may and so I continue to pray as the psalmist  does, in times of strength in lieu of those times when I will be too weak to I pray these words…

 From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

Psalm 61:2 KJV

Please listen to this beautiful song by Karen Davis Eleicha Yeshua

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2 thoughts on “Overcoming a bad day

  1. “Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I”

    I think it is amazing how great we feel when we are right with God, but it is more amazing that we are so comfortably selfish that we need to be brought back to God kicking and screaming each time.

    Thank you for sharing this story.

    1. Hi Neil,

      thanks for your comment I’m sorry it took so long to approve it, it was being held in the spam queue!!! You are right, things would go a lot more easily with us if we didn’t fight God all the way, if He wasn’t so loving and if he didn’t know us better than we know ourselves and oviously if He wasn’t God, He would have given up on us all a long time ago. Thank God for Jesus who makes a way for us always.

      Ps. I am really enjoying your work.

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